Our sweet baby girl is 6 weeks old. I've been a mama for 6 weeks and have loved every bit of it. I honestly can't picture my life without that sweet girl. Everything we've been through has truly been worth it just to have her in our arms. Yes, all these years of struggles with infertility and even the recent failed adoptions over these past 8 years have all been worth it. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't suffer from quiet struggles within. You know, that slight tugging of your heart when you find out someone you know is pregnant...again. I'm happy for them. I'm happy with my sweet baby. But there's still that inner part of me that secretly longs to carry a child within me. A child that is part me and part my husband. While one ache within my heart has been made whole, another still looms. I now get to laugh and identify with other moms and their joys and struggles. But there's still that conversation that I just can't identify with.....pregnancy and giving birth. Those sayings "Oh, they get that from me or their daddy." I truly am content with this child I've been blessed with. I love her with everything I have. I'm even open to adopt again in the future. It still doesn't take away from that basic natural desire that most women have.....to conceive and have a child. I've been pregnant twice for such a short period of time. I didn't love it. It wasn't pleasant. I don't particularly want to gain all that weight, retain water, be in constant pain, swollen, in a permanent state of exhaustion, etc. But if I have to go through all that just to feel little flutters and kicks within my body knowing that my husband and I have created a new life, then yeah, I want all that.
All that being said, I've learned to be content with what I've been blessed with. I do not for one second take my sweet baby girl for granted or wish that she was someone else. She truly is my gift from God. He chose me to be her mama. I don't know why, but he did. I will take that job seriously for the rest of my life. Should he so choose to give me another child, either through adoption or through my own womb, I will take that job just as seriously. My baby girl's arrival in this world and in our family is truly a great story. A story that I want to write and share with her one day with pride and honor. I want her to always know how truly special she is to me and her father. We continue to thank God for her every day. We also continue to pray for more children....though adoption or natural means. I believe I've always been called to be a parent and to help children. That's one of the reasons I became a teacher. I have always just naturally been drawn to children. They truly are a blessing, even when they try to convince you otherwise.
My prayer is that I always remain thankful for what I've been blessed with and never take it for granted. I know there are women out there that are still waiting on their blessing. I pray that I always take the job of mama seriously and that I do it in the way God would have me do it....that His will be done.
"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am in to be content." Philippians 4:11 ESV
No comments:
Post a Comment