What's the Rush?

You know when you've been dating someone a long time and people start asking the question "when are you two getting married?" Then you finally get engaged, and people start asking "have you set a date?" Then once you tie the knot, the next logical question is "when are you two going to start having kids?" I don't necessarily think people ask these questions to be rude or nosy. I honestly think they have a genuine curiosity about our lives. As I've stated, I was ready to jump on the mama train after I said "I do." I honestly didn't think I'd have any problems getting pregnant. I mean, why would I? I was 24 and reasonably healthy. The same goes for my husband. We didn't actively start trying for a few months, but we never did anything to prevent pregnancy either. We ran into struggles along the way. We just never could get on the same page physically it seemed. We just couldn't figure it out! I mean, we were in our mid-twenties! We should not be having these problems. Alas, the struggle was real. It would continue to be real for the next 4 years or so.

Now here we are, almost 6 years in. Now I'm thinking....what was the big rush? There were times during these past 6 years where I thought that I needed a baby to be fully satisfied. I can honestly say that right now I don't have those feelings. Something changed in me these last couple of years. The Lord has worked on my heart in these matters. I'm very happy being a twosome with the wonderful Mr. B. We do so many fun things together and enjoy things that people with children don't get to enjoy as often. I feel we take that for granted sometimes. I look at my friends who have children and are working, too. I think about all I GET to do when I get home because I don't really have to worry about another human depending on me. It really puts things into perspective. I see women all around me giving birth in their mid to late thirties. Then I realize, I've got time. I just turned 30. I can afford to wait a few more years if I really wanted to. I need to take this time to work on me. I've got some physical challenges that I need to overcome. I've been overweight all my life. I've committed my life to working out and being healthy. I will achieve this goal before I attempt to bring another human into this world. I deserve this. My future baby deserves this. I'm also choosing to use this time to deepen the love in my marriage. I've heard it said all too often that your marriage should be solid and always come first. I know some people disagree and think your children should come first. However, the reality is, those children will leave you one day to make their own lives. In the end, it will be just you and your spouse. If you didn't put the time into that marriage and help it grow, what will you be left with? I like the fact that I've gotten to spend almost 6 (married) years and 7 (total) years with my best friend. We've had many opportunities to work on our marriage and build that relationship.

Anyone who is friends with us in life and/or on social media knows that we love to spend time together. We go on vacations, we go painting, we shop together, enjoy Menchies frozen yogurt, and occasionally a good burger together. We spend time with friends with and without children. If we're at home, we are content just being together on the couch. He is on his end, and I'm on my end. We don't even have to be talking or doing the same thing. If he's playing video games or watching a show I don't watch, I'm reading a book or watching Netflix on my computer or visa versa (minus the reading part because Mr. B isn't a fan). We love children. We love other people's children. At church you can find me loving on every one else's babies and children (even the older ones). I love on my students at school. We love on our niece and our nephews. We just haven't made it to the point in our life where we can honestly say "let's do this!" Now, if it just happened, we would totally welcome it with thanksgiving. It just isn't something we are seeking right now. I would feel completely blessed if it happened unexpectedly since I'm fairly certain I'm going to need some help in that department. That's another story for another time.

The important thing I've learned is that we have time. Do we still get asked the question of "when are you going to have kids?" Sure. Just not as much as we did before events back in 2013 (again, another story for another time). I just tell them that it will happen when the Lord allows it to happen. We are doing nothing to stop it. We just aren't pursuing it as diligently as we could if we really wanted to make it happen.

Respect people's "not yet's." You don't know what their circumstances may be.

A great podcast to listen to that talks about this subject is "Marriage is Funny" episode 40. This is a couple that shares their story about having a family and their thoughts. This is one of my favorite podcasts. This episode really hit home for me.  

On My Heart.....

This blog has been on my heart for a while now. I have all these feelings about my journey to becoming a mom, and I needed an outlet for getting those thoughts out of my head. Since I'm a product of my generation, I'm obviously going to do this electronically and not the pen and paper way. Ain't nobody got time for hand cramps and sloppy handwriting.

I had to really think back to when my journey actually started. I've almost been married to my best friend for 6 years, so you'd think that's about as far back as it goes....right? Actually, I think I've always wanted to be a  mom. I've loved children since I was little. Playing house and school were two of my favorite things to make my younger sisters play. Well, I got the teacher gig down. So let's get going on the mommy thing. I always wanted to be a young mom. I'm not talking about young and unmarried, but still in my 20's. Well, I'm sitting here at a few months past 30 and no baby yet! I heard on a podcast that it is OK to mourn for a dream you had when you know it will never come true. That made me think about me wanting to be a teacher, wife, and mother before 30. I mean, 2 out of 3 aren't bad odds. But I didn't get the third thing on my list. It's OK to feel sad about that. I'm never going to be a "young" mom, and that is something that I need to accept. I had my feelings of sadness about it, but now I'm moving on. I know many women having babies in their 30's. In fact, research shows that having children in your early 30's is better since that is when most women are stable in their life. I suppose that's true. So what am I so concerned about?

Ever since I was a teenager, my body never worked like clock work. Maybe it was due to my being over weight, or maybe that's just the way my body works. I don't know why I thought that when Mr. B put a ring on my finger in July of 2010 that me becoming a mom was a done deal. It never really occurred to me that I wouldn't get pregnant when I wanted to. I mean, I'm a planner who plans out everything and needs things to go according to plan. Yeah, I'm constantly humbled and put back in my place when God has to give me those little reminders that he's in control, not me. Slow down, girl. You don't run this show.

Proverbs 19:21- "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

I can't count how many times I need this verse to slap me back into reality. For a girl who loves to control her own situation (and sometimes the situations around her), this is a daily struggle to remember.

At first I thought we would be married a year before trying to have a baby. However, early on we struggled in our relationship to get on the same page about many things. They say the first year is the hardest. I didn't believe anyone when they said that. How is that supposed to be true? We are head over heels in love with each other. The first year will be pure bliss. Ha! When the honeymoon is over and married life sets in, you see things that weren't there before (especially if you're married only a year of being together). Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually we just couldn't get it right it seemed. A baby just wasn't happening. 

I had been losing weight and getting in shape late 2008 and early 2009. When we started dating in mid 2009, I got lazy. I moved away from my gym, so I quit going. I stopped training with my personal trainer. I was eating take-out on a daily basis. So by my wedding in July of 2010, I was easily 20 pounds heavier. Oh well! Being a skinny bride is overrated when you were never really a "skinny" girl to begin with. Little did I know, that was just the beginning of my weight gain and problems.......