Just Another Bump in the Road on our Journey

October 22, 2016.....(supposed to be just over 11 weeks)

It's a Sunday and I have a whole week to go before my next doctor's appointment. I'm not going to make it. The anxiety is just too much. I have this feeling like something is going to go wrong. Yes, my symptoms have declined. But wait....I'm nearing the end of the first trimester, so they're supposed to. Right?
Later that evening I notice some spotting. Even though I promised myself no internet reading this pregnancy, I lied. The spotting and brown that I see is a sign of a missed miscarriage....so I've read. I'm just too freaked out to not check it out. I make Mr. B take me to the ER that night to get it checked out. After several hours in the ER, we find out that the baby is only measuring 7 weeks and 4 days and had no heart beat. That can't be right! I went to the doctor at 6 weeks 6 days. It can't be true that my baby died just a few short days after that. I've been feeling all kinds of symptoms at 8, 9, and even 10 weeks. What is going on? Is my body lying to me?

I decide to take off work the next day to try to get in to see my doctor. The doctor can't see me until Wednesday. It won't even be the doctor. It's the nurse practitioner. Guess I'm going to take off for another 2 days. Who am I kidding? I need to just take off the whole week to deal with this and process everything.

Sunday night I'm an emotional wreck. I'm crying to my dad on the phone asking him why this is happening to me. All the while he's trying to keep my faithful. Remember my faith. If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. That's hard to hear when you just lost your second pregnancy in a row. And it took me 3 years to conceive this baby! I want answers! Why me? I eventually get to sleep.

October 23, 2016.....

It's Monday. I have Mr. B with me until 2:00 when he has to go to work. I decide to visit with a friend who knows how I feel and can provide distraction and comfort. We spend the afternoon talking and just hanging out. Around 5:00 I head home where my father-in-law is waiting to pick me up so I can spend the remainder of the evening with them until Mr. B gets off work at 10:00. When I arrive home, the cramps start. I know what's going to happen. I won't have to go to the hospital for a D&C this pregnancy. My body is going to take care of this....tonight. As the night progressed, so did the cramps and the pain. Luckily, I had some pain pills and a heating pad. By the time Mr. B came to pick me up, my body had done its job. The baby was gone. My appointment on Wednesday confirmed it.

The rest of the week I enjoy my solitude at home reading and watching TV. I don't want to go out or be around anyone but Mr. B. I went to my regularly scheduled doctor's appointment Friday afternoon. We discussed my options. I decided to do a blood test that would see if I had a blood clotting issue which would cause me to lose a pregnancy. That came back normal. I'm thinking of going to have a test done to see if there is a problem with my uterus over Christmas break. The only other test would be a blood test on me and Mr. B to see if there are chromosomal problems. I'm not ready to go there just yet.
We went out to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory after my appointment. We didn't get to do his birthday dinner out, so that gave us an opportunity to go out. I returned to work that following Monday and resumed my normal life.

*Reflections on this experience coming up in next post!